# How to Get Divorced Amicably in South Africa: A Step-by-Step Guide > Source: https://ongoodterms.ai/journal/how-to-get-divorced-amicably-in-south-africa-a-step-by-step-guide > Published: Sep 7, 2026 > Author: Jennifer Paddock, Co-Founder, On Good Terms > Publisher: On Good Terms (Pty) Ltd, South Africa > Topics: Guides, Co-parenting, Money and property If you and your spouse have decided to divorce, you may be wondering whether it is possible to do it without turning the end of your marriage into a legal battle. The answer is yes. An amicable divorce does not mean that you have to agree about everything from the beginning. It does not mean there will be no difficult conversations, hurt feelings or moments of disagreement. It simply means that you are both willing to try to resolve the practical consequences of your divorce by agreement rather than asking a court to decide them for you. And that distinction can make an enormous difference. In South Africa, a divorce still has to go through a court. Only a court can legally dissolve a marriage and issue a decree of divorce. But if you can reach agreement on the issues between you before you get there, the court process can be relatively straightforward. A divorce can be dealt with in either the Regional Court or the High Court with the necessary jurisdiction. Here is what the process actually looks like. ## First: what is an uncontested divorce? An **uncontested divorce** is a divorce in which the spouses have reached agreement on the consequences of their divorce and there is therefore no dispute that needs to be decided at trial. You will sometimes hear the words *amicable divorce* and *uncontested divorce* used interchangeably, but they are not quite the same thing. “Amicable” describes **how you approach the process**. “Uncontested” describes **where you end up legally**. You may disagree about the house, maintenance or the children's holiday arrangements at the beginning of the process. If you are able to work through those disagreements and reach a settlement, your divorce can still ultimately proceed as an uncontested divorce. That is important, because you do not need to be the mythical divorcing couple who agrees about absolutely everything before you start. You simply need to be willing to try to get there. ## Step 1: Make sure an amicable process is appropriate for you An agreement-based process can work extremely well when both spouses: - accept that the marriage is ending; - are willing to disclose relevant financial information honestly; - want to reach a fair and workable agreement; - are able to participate meaningfully in negotiations; and - would prefer to resolve disagreements rather than litigate them. It is not right for every couple. Where there is domestic abuse, coercive control, intimidation, serious dishonesty, hidden assets, an extreme power imbalance or simply no willingness by one party to negotiate in good faith, independent legal representation and court intervention may be necessary. Choosing an amicable process should never mean that one person has to surrender their rights to keep the peace. The aim is not agreement **at any cost**. The aim is informed, fair agreement wherever that can reasonably be achieved. ## Step 2: Understand the legal framework of your marriage Before you can divide your financial lives, you need to understand how you are married. In South Africa, the matrimonial property regime applicable to your marriage can have a major effect on what happens when you divorce. Depending on when and how you married, you may for example be: - married in community of property; - married out of community of property with the accrual system; - married out of community of property without accrual; or - subject to another legal regime requiring specific consideration. Your marriage certificate and antenuptial contract, if you have one, are therefore important starting documents. ## Step 3: Get the information onto the table Before meaningful settlement discussions can begin, both spouses need a reasonably complete picture of the family's financial position. That may include information about: - property; - bank accounts and investments; - businesses or company interests; - vehicles; - retirement funds; - loans and other debts; - insurance policies; - income; - monthly expenses; and - any significant assets or liabilities. This does not mean that every amicable divorce needs an expensive forensic financial investigation. For many couples, the information is relatively straightforward. But an agreement can only be genuinely informed if both people understand what they are agreeing about. Transparency at this stage is one of the foundations of an amicable divorce. ## Step 4: Work out what actually needs to be decided This is often where couples realise that “we've agreed to get divorced” and “we've agreed on our divorce” are two very different things. There are usually a number of practical decisions still to make. ### Your finances Depending on your circumstances, you may need to decide: - What happens to the family home? - Will it be sold or retained by one spouse? - How will other assets be divided? - Who will be responsible for particular debts? - How will bank accounts and investments be dealt with? - Are there business interests that need to be addressed? - How will pension or retirement fund interests be treated? - Will either spouse pay maintenance to the other? - Are there any other ongoing financial obligations? ### Your children If you have children, there is another set of decisions to make. These may include: - where the children will live; - how their time will be divided between their parents; - school holidays; - birthdays and special occasions; - travel; - schooling; - medical care; - extracurricular activities; - how major decisions will be made; - communication between parents; - child maintenance; - who pays which additional expenses; and - how future disagreements relating to the children will be dealt with. You do not necessarily have to solve all of these issues in one conversation. In fact, trying to do that around the kitchen table after an emotionally difficult day is often exactly what does **not** work. A structured process can break the divorce down into a series of manageable decisions instead. ## Step 5: Work through the things you don't agree on Agreement rarely means that both spouses arrived at exactly the same answer independently. Usually there will be areas where your initial positions differ. This is where negotiation or mediation becomes useful. A mediator does not decide who is right or impose an outcome on the couple. The mediator helps the parties identify the issues, understand each other's positions, explore possible solutions and try to find an outcome they can both accept. South African law expressly recognises mediation and agreement-based resolution in family matters. The Office of the Family Advocate also provides mediation services in disputes relating to parental responsibilities and rights. Technology can now support this process too. Instead of every disagreement requiring another face-to-face meeting, telephone call or exchange of lawyers' letters, couples can work through issues in a structured way, in their own time, with assistance in understanding the options and communicating constructively. Sometimes a disagreement that feels enormous becomes much easier once the actual issue has been clearly identified. ## Step 6: Record the financial agreement in a Settlement Agreement Once you have reached agreement, the terms need to be properly recorded. This is usually done in a written **Settlement Agreement**, sometimes also called a Consent Paper or Deed of Settlement. The Settlement Agreement can deal with matters such as: - division of assets; - property; - liabilities; - pension interests; - spousal maintenance; - vehicles; - investments; - household contents; and - other financial consequences of the divorce. A Settlement Agreement is not simply an informal record of what you discussed. It is an important legal document. Section 7(1) of the Divorce Act specifically allows a court granting a divorce to make an order in accordance with the spouses' written agreement regarding division of their assets and maintenance between them. Once the relevant terms are incorporated into the divorce order, they become enforceable as part of that court order. This is why getting the wording right matters. An agreement that sounds perfectly clear around a table can become surprisingly ambiguous when somebody needs to interpret it three years later. ## Step 7: If you have children, agree on how you will parent after divorce Where children are involved, their interests receive special protection. A **Parenting Plan** is a structured agreement dealing with how parents will exercise their parental responsibilities and rights after separation. The Children's Act specifically recognises parenting plans and provides that they may deal with issues including where a child lives, maintenance, contact, schooling and religious upbringing. Where co-holders of parental responsibilities and rights are experiencing difficulties in exercising those rights, the Act requires them to first seek to agree on a parenting plan before approaching a court for intervention. A good parenting plan goes further than simply saying that parents will have “shared care” or “reasonable contact”. It should create enough certainty to reduce future conflict while leaving enough flexibility for real family life. Importantly, the focus is not on what is perfectly equal between the parents. The guiding principle is always **what is in the best interests of the children**. The Office of the Family Advocate can assist with parenting plans and may register them or assist in having them made orders of court. And when a divorce involves minor or dependent children, the divorce court itself has an important protective role: it cannot grant the divorce until it is satisfied that the arrangements made or contemplated for those children are satisfactory or the best that can be achieved in the circumstances. ## Step 8: Get appropriate legal input An amicable divorce does not mean lawyers have no role. It means their role can be different. Instead of spending months or years conducting adversarial litigation, legal professionals can help parties: - understand their rights; - identify legal issues they may have missed; - understand the consequences of their matrimonial property regime; - deal correctly with pension interests; - check whether an agreement is legally workable; - ensure that the settlement documents are properly drafted; and - prepare the documents required for court. One or both spouses may also choose to obtain independent legal advice before signing. That can be particularly valuable where the financial arrangements are complicated, one spouse is uncertain about their rights or the agreement involves significant long-term obligations. Getting legal advice does not turn an amicable divorce into a hostile one. Sometimes good advice is precisely what makes informed agreement possible. ## Step 9: Start the formal court process Even where everything has been agreed, there is still a formal divorce action. One spouse becomes the **Plaintiff** and the other the **Defendant**. Those words can sound surprisingly combative when two people are divorcing cooperatively, but they are simply procedural labels. The Plaintiff's divorce summons is issued by the appropriate court and must be personally served on the Defendant by the Sheriff. Being served with a summons does not mean your divorce has suddenly become hostile. It is simply a required part of the legal process. In an agreed divorce, the Defendant does not defend the action and the matter can proceed towards an uncontested hearing. Where children are involved, the necessary children's documentation and arrangements must also be dealt with as part of the process, with the Family Advocate involved where required. ## Step 10: Go to court and get divorced This is the part many people imagine will be dramatic. In an uncontested divorce, it usually isn't. The matter is placed before the court and the necessary evidence is given to establish, amongst other things, that the marriage has broken down irretrievably. Under the Divorce Act, a court may grant a divorce where it is satisfied that the marriage relationship has disintegrated to the point that there is no reasonable prospect of restoring a normal marriage relationship. The court considers the divorce documents and, where applicable, the arrangements relating to children. If everything is in order, the court grants the **decree of divorce**. That is the moment the marriage legally ends. The Settlement Agreement and relevant parenting arrangements can be incorporated into the court order so that the agreements you have reached become part of the legal framework governing what happens afterwards. ## So how long does an amicable divorce take? There is no single answer. The actual court process is only one part of the timeline. For many couples, the bigger variable is **how long it takes to reach agreement**. If you have relatively simple finances, communicate reasonably well and already agree about most things, the settlement process may be straightforward. If you have children, property, businesses, complicated finances or substantial disagreement about particular issues, it may take longer. But there is an important difference between taking time to reach a thoughtful agreement and spending that time fighting. An amicable process gives you the opportunity to use that time productively. ## You don't have to agree about everything today Perhaps the most important thing to understand is this: **You do not need to have your entire divorce figured out before you start.** You need a process for figuring it out. Divorce can feel overwhelming when you see it as one enormous decision: *How are we going to untangle an entire marriage?* It becomes more manageable when you break it down: What happens to the house? What does each person need financially? What assets and debts are there? What arrangement will work best for the children? How will school holidays work? What happens to the pension? What have we already agreed? What do we still need to solve? One decision at a time, an agreement begins to take shape. And once those decisions are properly recorded and taken through the court process, an ending that initially felt completely overwhelming becomes something with a clear path through it. ## A different way to reach agreement That is the thinking behind **On Good Terms**. We built On Good Terms for couples who know their marriage is ending but do not believe that the process has to turn them into opponents. Our AI-assisted process helps each person privately provide the information that matters, identifies what needs to be decided, highlights where you already agree and helps you work through the areas where you don't. The aim is not to replace professional judgement or pretend that divorce is simple. It is to use technology, legal expertise and mediation principles to make the path to agreement more structured, accessible and constructive. Because divorce is already difficult. **Getting divorced doesn't have to make it more so.** ### Think On Good Terms might work for you? If you and your spouse have decided to divorce and believe you may be able to reach agreement without turning the process into a fight, find out whether **On Good Terms** is right for you. *A smarter, kinder & faster way to divorce.* --- *This article provides general information about divorce in South Africa and should not be treated as legal advice for your particular circumstances. Family law and court procedures can differ depending on the facts of a matter and the court in which proceedings are instituted.* --- This is general information about South African law and practice. It is not advice about any particular situation and does not replace advice from an attorney.